It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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