Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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