Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
