I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
