I can't watch pbs sober anymore
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
