You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
