Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
