I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
