just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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