did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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