I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
