I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
