1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
