Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
