Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
