I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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