I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
