Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
