Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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