Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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