You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
In other news, I just burned my penis
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
