She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
