I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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