Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
