Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
