OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I cannot find my penis.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You left your phone here
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