She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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