Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
