Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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