I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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