Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
