it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
