I feel great
I just peed on a car
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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