Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
