I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
