batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
