That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
