I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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