i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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