Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
