i just had sex bonerless
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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