ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
