My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
