she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
