There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
