The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
