people are starting to question the shark bite story
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
