Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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