I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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