Acid is not a monday night drug
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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