Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
